Fred Luskin on the power to forgive (form the DMN webite)

Author Fred Luskin on the power to forgive


A researcher says letting go of anger is not only a virtue but also a healing force

08:22 AM CST on Saturday, January 12, 2008

By MARY JACOBS / Special Contributor to The Dallas Morning News religion@dallasnews.com

Most religions teach that forgiveness is a virtue. But how to truly forgive, when face to face with the person who has inflicted the pain, is another matter.

In his new book, Forgive for Love, Fred Luskin looks at the nuts and bolts of practicing forgiveness in relationships.

"Literally that is why I wrote the book, to give people a step-by-step methodology," he said. Forgive for Love describes a process of "reframing" how a person views a situation that demands forgiveness.

"Forgiveness is becoming a hero instead of a victim in the story you tell about what happened," Dr. Luskin said.

Dr. Luskin directs the Stanford Forgiveness Projects, a series of research projects investigating forgiveness methods. Once limited to religious discussion, he said, forgiveness has generated broader interest as scientific studies point to its benefits.
In turn, work such as Dr. Luskin's lends credibility to teachings about forgiveness within the religious community, says Dan Luby, Tschoepe Chair of Homiletics at the University of Dallas' School of Ministry.

"The Catholic Church has always taught that forgiveness is a moral requirement, but now there's reinforcement from secular and psychological viewpoints that supports those traditional teachings," he said. "We're understanding that not only is forgiveness a 'heroic virtue,' it's a necessity for healing to take place.

"So this scientific agreement from the secular world is a benefit to our mission. It supports what the church has been saying from the beginning."

Dr. Luskin jokes that there was a time when he couldn't score an interview in his local paper. Now he's called on to comment for articles in The New York Times and asked to speak at medical schools, law schools and courtrooms as well as churches.

"Forgiveness is a much hotter topic now than it was 10 years ago," he said. "I think people are seeing it as a necessary corrective to our 'anger culture.' "

Increased interest may also stem from events in the news that hint at forgiveness's power: One high-profile example is the forgiving response of Amish people when a neighbor made a deadly assault on a Pennsylvania schoolhouse in 2006. Another is the way the forgiveness-based Truth and Reconciliation Commission, led by Anglican Archbishop Desmond Tutu, helped South Africa regain its footing in the wake of apartheid.

Similarly, Dr. Luskin tested his method with women who had lost family members to sectarian violence in Northern Ireland. Afterward, participants reported they were less depressed and felt better physically and emotionally.

"If you're angry and feeling self-pity, you put yourself at risk for heart disease and stress-related disorders," said Dr. Luskin.

Dr. Luskin's methodology involves meditating and following a process of empathizing with the offending person and reframing what happened in a more empowering way.

"When you change the story, when you manage the stress, when you take responsibility, when you look for the other person's good points, you're going to be so much more forgiving in that relationship," he said. "And you'll be able to make good decisions about what to do about any problems there might be."

Psychological strategies such as Dr. Luskin's can complement religious practices such as prayer and the sacraments, Dr. Luby said. Catholics may turn to the sacrament of reconciliation as a "concrete, experiential" means of moving toward forgiveness in a painful relationship. "But the sacrament is not something that's magical," he said. "It's not a substitute for the spiritual work of true conversion of heart."

And true forgiveness does involve hard work, Dr. Luskin agrees. While forgiveness may be more in the media spotlight, he's not convinced that people are dramatically more forgiving these days, and "retribution, revenge and anger" still get much more airtime.

But he hopes that increased interest in forgiveness will start conversations that could help people discover forgiveness as a tool for breaking destructive cycles in relationships.

"Half the world is the way it is because people have been hurt by others and they take it out on somebody else," he said. "We're constantly paying the negative stuff forward."

RESOURCES
Some of the many books on forgiveness:
Forgive for Love, by Fred Luskin (HarperOne, $24.95)
Forgiveness Is a Choice, by Robert D. Enright (American Psychological Association, $19.95)
The Wisdom of Forgiveness, by the Dalai Lama and Victor Chan (Penguin, $14)
Amish Grace: How Forgiveness Transcended Tragedy, by Donald B. Kraybill, Steven M. Nolt and David L. Weaver-Zercher (John Wiley, $24.95)
Forgiveness : A Legacy of the West Nickel Mines Amish School , by John L. Ruth (Herald Press, $10.99)
No Future Without Forgiveness, by Desmond Tutu (Doubleday, $15.95)
How to Forgive ... When You Don't Feel Like It, by June Hunt (Harvest House, $12.99)